As a Patriots fan it will be hard to watch the Super Bowl without throwing things at the screen, especially knowing that we beat both of these teams. Yes, the Pats throttled the Steelers in Pittsburgh and squeaked out a meaningless home win over the Matt Flynn-led Packers, but that’s really not making any of us feel any better about the “incident” a couple weeks ago.
Of course when your team’s not playing there’s really only one way to have any fun, and that’s to bet on a lot of meaningless junk that may or may not happen during the eight hours it takes to play a Super Bowl.
This year you can find a line on just about anything from who wins the opening coin toss, to what color the coaches Gatorade bath will be, to who the MVP thanks first (and if it’s Big Ben all bets are off).
Yes, they’ve thought of just about everything. Well, not quite everything.
So instead of just giving you my expert Super Bowl pick I’d like to lay out some odds that I think the odds-makers have missed. And as someone who’s seen both these teams up close, I think I’m qualified.
SUPER BOWL PROPS VIA PATSPROPAGANDA.COM
Clay Matthews gets that crazy look in his eye: -1000
TV shot of Maurkice Pouncey on the sidelines with his leg in a cast, looking sad: -200
Mention of the Patriots wins over the Steelers and/or Packers: +500
Mention/highlights of Tom Brady during his 2010 MVP season: NO LINE
Joe Buck makes awkward conversation about Big Ben’s “off the field issues”: -200
Troy Aikman agrees with him: NO LINE
You think they’re gonna sack Big Ben, but then they don’t sack him: -1000000
Troy Polamalu’s hair whips around: +1000 (straight from the Head and Shoulders money, baby)
You think for a second that Ryan Clark and/or James Harrison might’ve just killed someone: -200
Aaron Rodgers suddenly has strange new facial hair after halftime: +200
Clay Matthews unleashes an FU sack on Big Ben for all the drunk college girls across America: -500
Shot of Mike McCarthy looking befuddled and/or chubby: even
Rex Ryan predicts the Jets will still win the Super Bowl before kickoff: -200
Theme song from Shaft suddenly starts playing as Mike Tomlin’s theme music: +500
