I’m writing you this exactly 25 years in the future on Sept 23, 2042. I know you’re thinking, “The year 2042 is only 25 years away!” That’s what I thought back then when I first read this piece that I’d written 25 years later from the future. Mind-Plosions aside, I’m sending this into the past as a warning to Bob McNair, if you’re reading this, this is mostly a scouting report to let you know what your future will be if you continue down this path, like the future ghost from the Bill Murray classic Christmas tale, Scrooged.
And before we get to the game between the “Gillette-Samsung Razorblade TVs” Patriots and the “Houston’s Steak” Texans (not that it should be that surprising, but teams no longer represent states or localities, they represent corporate entities) let me catch you up on what’s been going on around the NFL over the last quarter-century.
The good news: here in 2042, there is NFL labor peace. After a 2-year players’ strike that devastated much of the NFL’s stranglehold on American viewers, DeMaurice Smith negotiated a 99-year CBA in exchange for mandatory foot massages for every player after every game. In order to get this necessary concession, Smith was forced to negotiate away the players’ medical benefits, salaries and helmets. MMQB Scribe Peter King called the historic agreement a “Win-Win”.