new england patriots

Being the omnipotent Patriots blogger that I am I was fortunate enough to get an early sneak peek at a transcript of the Wes Welker interview with Michael Felger and Tony Massarotti that will air on the Sports Hub 98.5 tomorrow (Thursday) at 11:30am. I’m secretly posting below, some really interesting stuff….

Felger: Welcome back to the show, joining us now we’re lucky today to have Patriots wide receiver Wes Welker, last seen crying like a little baby on the sidelines of Houston. How you doing, Wes?

Mazz: Sup, Wesley!?

Welker: You know, I’m okay fellas. How are you guys?

Mazz: How do you think we are? We’re pissed off about Boston sports and their fans.

Felger: There’s a question that’s on everyone’s mind so I’m just going to ask it. Does the Patriots organization purposely try to be the worst team in football every year? Because when you look at a team like the Jets… I mean… Wow. It’s pretty clear this is an all-star team that probably won’t lose a game. And the Dolphins signed probably the greatest Wide Receiver in the NFL in Brandon Marshall. It’s pretty clear the Patriots are third place team and that’s just until the Bills find a quarterback.

Mazz: But Felgy the Pats signed Bulgey Crumpler and drafted that pothead Aaron Hernandez! I mean this sarcastically of course. I would never praise a move the Patriots made.

Felger: Bulgey?

Mazz: You know, cause he’s fat? Bulge-y. Rhymes with Alge…?

Felger: Oh, yeah. Nice try, Mazz. But no.

Welker: You know, uh… was there a question there?

Mazz: Wes, maybe you can help me out with something I’ve been trying to figure out for a while now. Why are Patriots fans such losers who blindly worship at the altar of Bill Belichick’s hoodie when he’s clearly been surpassed by both Rex Ryan and Tony Sparano as a football coach, and that’s just in the AFC East alone? And I gotta be honest, I really like the moves Chan Gailey’s making in Buffalo.

Welker: Um, you know, I don’t know if that’s necessarily true. You know, we did win the division last year and stuff. Did you guys want to ask me about my knee?

Felger: Glad you brought it up. How’s the knee and what week will you be back on the field?

Welker: You know, I can’t really put a time table on it. I’m just rehabbing and you know, I’m excited by the progress I’ve made-

Felger: Because I think you’re gonna miss the whole season. And when you come back in 2011 there’s no way you’re the same player you once were.

Mazz: Ooooh, the Patriots fans aren’t gonna like that!  

Felger: It’s my opinion and I’m entitled to it. Welker. Done. Fini. See ya. Okay, now that the knee stuff is out of the way let’s talk Playboy mansion. Everyone saw the pictures of you there with the hooker Elliot Spitzer was banging. So what went down in the grotto, Wes?

Welker: You know, it was just a pajama party and we took a picture and uh-

Felger: I bet Ms. Hooters didn’t like that one!

Mazz: Zing! Good one, Felgie!

Felger: Settle down, Mazz. Let’s get serious for a second, Wes. Why doesn’t Bill Belichick like me?

Welker: You know…

Felger: You’re right, I do know.

Mazz: Wes, what it’s gonna take for us to get Bill Belichick fired?

Felger: Great question.

Mazz: You know him. You know his weaknesses. What could I say that would get him to hit me?

Welker: Hit you?

Mazz: Yeah, he hits me. I sue for Kraft to fire him. We get a real football coach who listens to the media in New England.

Felger: You can’t do that, Mazz. Nice try. But it’s an interesting point. Wes, how is it that Bill Belichick still has a job? He hasn’t won a Super Bowl since 2004.

Welker: You know, I mean we were 2:42 away from being the greatest team in NFL history in 2007. That doesn’t count for anything?

Felger: All I care about is Super Bowl wins. That’s all that matters and I would think you, as someone who has never won a Super Bowl, would know that.

Mazz: That’s why we love the Jets. Because they’re going to win the Super Bowl.

Felger: Oh man, the Jets. I don’t know who I love more, them or Eliot Spitzer’s hooker.

Mazz: Imagine her playing on the Jets!

Felger: Oh, that’s hot. Put her behind that line of theirs, she’d have more rushing yards than Maroney that’s for sure.

Mazz: At least it would be enjoyable to watch her dance at the line of scrimmage.

Welker: Anything else guys?

Felger: What? Who is this?

Welker: You know, Wes Welker.

Felger: Wes! Forgot about you bud. How’s the knee?

Welker: Are you guys serious?

Felger: One sec, Wes. We’ve got a special caller joining, everyone say hello to Boston Globe beat writer Bert Breer. Bert!?

Breer: Hey guys, just real quick, has anyone mentioned how good the Jets are going to be yet?

Felger: We’re all over it Bert.

Breer: Just wanted to make sure. Later guys!

Mazz: Thanks Double B!

Felger: Double B, Mazz?

Mazz: Bert Breer? Two B’s?

Felger: That’s Belichick too, Mazz. Come on!

Mazz: Sorry.

Felger: Oh look at that, we’re almost out of time. Wes, just a couple more questions for you… how much do you regret leaving Miami for New England?

Welker: Um, not at all?

Felger: Really? That’s interesting. Especially since they have Brandon Marshall now. He’s like a Randy Moss who actually tries.

Mazz: Wes, do you ever look at Bill Belichick and say “I could do a better job coaching a football team”? Because I do.

Felger: I say that every day of my life. If he’d just listen to guys like me and Mazz.. well me… not so much Mazz… New England would have at least two to three more Super Bowls.

Welker: Right.

Felger: Welp, that’s it. We’re out of time. Thanks Wes, some really great stuff.

Mazz: See you in 2011, Wes!

Welker: Sure thing, guys. Later.