PatsPropaganda

It’s that time of year when every pundit has to predict exactly how the 2011 NFL season will go. Of course, fans love to see their team get love, and get royally pissed when someone predicts them to suck.

I’m not a real big blogger prognosticator, because what am I going to do, predict the Pats won’t win the Super Bowl? My Patriot fans brethren don’t need that kind of buzz kill. And who’s going to believe me when I say the Jets will go 0-16? No one. So instead I offer up my Patriots-centric predictions.

• Logan Mankins will be involved in a few post-play shoving matches. Opponents will cry afterwards. Mankins won’t care.
• Matt Light will grow some sort of weird facial hair style.
• Opposing offensive lines will have difficulty moving Wilfork and Haynesworth, assuming Haynesworth doesn’t get cut, in which case they’ll just have trouble with Wilfork, and a little bit of trouble with Kyle Love.
• Tom Brady will throw a bunch of touchdowns and some interceptions. Probably more touchdowns than interceptions.
• For every three tackles that Danny Woodhead breaks he’ll get absolutely demolished once.
• Benjarvus Green-Ellis will truck some fools.
• Chad Ochocinco will have under 50 catches and be labelled as a disappointment by bored members of the media, even though 50 catches is about what the Pats need out of him to be useful.
• The offensive line will have a couple bad games leading overreactors to complain about Connolly, Light and Koppen. Vollmer and Mankins will get free passes. The calls for Solder will come by week six regardless.
• The Patriots will come out in a 3-4 defense and it will get way overblown. Mostly by me.
• Jerod Mayo: 3 interceptions/5 sacks. For reals.
• Wes Welker: 100 catches. Money in the bank.
• Brandon Meriweather will do all of the following A) whiff on a big hit, B)make a big hit but the guy will still hold onto the ball and/or draw a penalty, C) make an interception that almost wins him over to Patriots fans, but not quite.
• Devin McCourty will have less interceptions than 2010 but still be a better player. Pundits won’t be able to grasp that.
• Brandon Tate will not return a kick off for a touchdown, even if he makes the team.
• Taylor Price won’t be as good as we all want him to be. But he’ll still be pretty good.
• One Patriots rookie will finish in the top 5 for Offensive Rookie of the Year. Order of likelihood: 1)Ridley 2)Solder 3)Vereen
• The leading Patriots sack guy won’t have more than 7 sacks.
• The defense will give up under 40% of their third down conversions.
• Andre Carter will be healthy the entire season. (This is more of a prayer than a prediction)
• No one will miss Tully Banta-Cain.
• The Patriots will win more than they lose and make the playoffs. They’ll win at least one playoff game this year, after that I’m out of predictions.

Feel free to make your own Patriots predictions below…