Every NFL season during the Roger Goodell reign has become an absurdist melodrama that would shame the writing staffs of Downton Abbey, Days of Our Lives and WWE. This year’s episodes included:
The Suspension. The Jimmy G Tour. The Thumb. Goodell’s Pathological Addiction to Protecting Pathological Abusers. I have no idea how he screwed this up, but I’m glad the Giants have correctly identified Odell Beckham as the Giant most in need of chiding. “The Belichick Letter,” which reminded me of the great “Cheevers letters” Seinfeld episode. The “Tomato Can” tour, a Dan Shaughnessy tradition unlike any other. (“Heads, I win”; “Tails, I win” argument. Shaughnessy’s such a talented writer who relies on hackery in an effort to be “right”. As if that matters.) Deflategate 2: Science And Procedure And Whatever. Walkie-Talkie thingee. (I understand the hypocrisy of the NFL, but I still don’t understand why I’m supposed to care about this. This is how the league should punish people for things that don’t affect the 22 players on the field.)
Deeeeeep breath…
The Year-Long Ratings Decline. The Cynical Touchback rule. LeGarrette Blount’s predictable 1,000-yard season. Patriots get too cute trying to bleed clock and end up losing to Seattle. Jeff Fisher’s paid vacation. Rex Ryan’s truck. Aaron Rodgers being treated like a God for correctly identifying the Packers upcoming soft schedule. (Where is Shaughnessy on this one?!) Jason Garrett following in a long line of mediocre coaches winning Coach of the Year. (In a decade this will look really bad, but he had a back-up QB win 13 games. I get it.) John Harbaugh complained a bunch. (Google “John Harbaugh complains.” It’s absolutely remarkable. He once complained at a player’s funeral to DeMaurice Smith talking about practice!)
But something about this season didn’t feel quite right. Almost like a network comedy that’s in a 5th or 6th season rut. The cast and writing staffs have become a bit hemmed in by their cast, each now slowly becoming more caricature than character. This season felt like that. Maybe that’s why most of the stories we got were like the third season of the O.C.’s Chrismukkah episode: Deflategate 2, Goodell goes Soft on Wife beaters, John Harbaugh complains about something that happened to him in grade school. Even Goodell never really seemed invested in this year’s tangential storylines, barely defending his atrocious handling of the league. Afraid to show his face as ratings declined. He barely lodged a single illogical pronunciations that went unchallenged by writers propped up by the league. No science to disprove. No tyrannical over-reliance on the word “Integrity.”
