One of the worst parts of losing a Super Bowl is the opening game of the following season when we have to relive all the misery that we just spent the last six months burying deep inside.
So the Giants will probably have fancy Super Bowl champs patches tonight, and we’ll get a bevy of not only Super Bowl 46 lowlights but also some Super Bowl 42 ones sprinkled in too. Yeah football’s back but first us Patriots fans have to relive a bunch of misery. Great.
So if you’re like me it will help to be drinking heavily throughout. Here are the official rules for the “Patriots fans guide to drinking heavily during the Giants victory lap” game.
Manningham Sideline Catch: just one tiny sip, they’re gonna show this one at least 50 times and we don’t want to lose anyone.
Tyree Helmet Catch: finish your beer. They’ll show it a couple times and we might as well get the party rolling.
Bradshaw falls into the end zone: fall over yourself and take a sip of your drink.
Cruz salsas, highlights or real time: Scream “learn a new dance” and take a sip.
“Eli” and “Elite” mentioned in the same sentence: Take 3 sips for the 3 Super Bowls Brady still has to Eli’s 2.
Michael Strahan makes an appearance: yell “where’s Kelly Ripa, gap tooth!?” and drink.
Shot of any Giant getting Super Bowl confetti’ed: pour your drink out on the closest Giants fans face.
Any shot of Brady getting decked in either Super Bowl: punch yourself once in the face then drink.
I don’t know about you guys, but I sure feel like a Cowboys fan tonight. Feel free to add some of your own in the comments below.